actually

a good day / cut lots of grass / not too short, because this should be the last cut before the winter, and I'm sure that the grass does better if it hasn't been traumatised ...

powerful music

not my usual Sunday blogging haunt, but just to say that on Friday I was privileged to attend an event at Coda in Edinburgh / Karine Polwart has brought out a new CD, and was singing some songs / we were packed in like sardines / it was live music, in every sense ...

shopping

has to be done ...

pondering

fear, and faith / fear is unavoidable, natural / faith would seem to drive out fear / or is that a myth / david, facing goliath had faith in God, he also had a pretty good idea of what he was going to do, and would have been confident of his own ability to carry out his plan / you might almost say that his faith in God was incidental / in complete contrast to the situation some of us find ourselves in / we don't have a plan, we don't believe that we are capable, yet we are told to have faith in God ...

friday

one working day, then the weekend ...

nothing changes

for the better ...

it's wrong

I have Asperger's, I have difficulty socialising / but that's no reason to leave me on my own trying to do a job which requires (at least) two people ...

back to work

with a plan, if it goes pear shaped ...

demob happy

a whole week off / coming up ...

why

don't I just say that this is unacceptable / I'm being routinely left on my own to do a job which requires at least two people (it isn't just about the number of calls, it's about the fact that some of them are urgent, some require planning, most involve people who are for some reason upset) ...

downtime

really would have preferred not to be working to-day / but there would then be nobody in that office ...

lurgy

no longer struggling into work - let's see if a day at home helps ...

here

I didn't want to provoke a crisis / better (maybe) to be under par, but working, than to be at home, and to have twice as much to do to-morrow ...

sick

if I'm not better than this by to-morrow morning, then I shan't be going into work / even though there was only going to be the one of me there ...

eScape

it's tempting to contemplate a computer free weekend, but hardly practical, when calendars, timetables, bank accounts, and communication all seem to require internet access ...

crisis

if what I've planned (for to-day) is successful, we move on / if not, I simply don't know what happens ...

frightened

moved towards a couple of resolutions, yesterday, but still there's an underlying fear ...

trying out

uBuntu ...

organisation

even where the desk is almost bare, apart from a computer, need to do preliminary work before I can start being productive ...

breathing space

it may not be possible, but it is required ...

psalm 104:1a

bless the Lord, o my soul ...

friDay

the only difference, I guess, being that whatever challenges we face to-day can be laid aside for two days, subsequently ...

breakfast

a cooked breakfast in a canteen / a luxury, I guess / helps to start the day ...

longevity

at least, blogger is still here (was that a dangerous thing to say?) ...

change of place

induces tiredness ...

positivism

can't do this ...

my thanks

especially to ian / got through the day (though next week should be busy, helping all of the people who kindly cut me some slack) / and appreciated some downtime to-day ...

likelihood

of breaking down to-day is pretty high ...

jabber

hope

that in crises, God will resource ...

fragile

vulnerable, coping, so far ...

uncomfortable fame

a suspicious death in the town where I live ...

that was yesterday

if anything, to-day promises to be worse ...

tired, angry

but with no options ...

infrequent

weary

always being challenged / good, in some ways ...

triumph

just saying / musical youth's 'wizard of oz' was excellent ...

justice

where to start ...

taxi

driver ...

doing battle

with malware (I guess, that deciding to rebuild the computer is a sign of losing) ...

missed a day

ah well (but have managed to stay away from flickr) ...

fasting

may give up flickr for Lent ...

worry

endemic ...

ironic

to be missing church in order to do homework / the topic: a piece explaining one's admiration for Eric Liddell, who refused to take part in a race whose heats were to take place on a Sunday ...

bright

and to some, beautiful ...

bye, spot

a cafe where I work is closing ...

tears

no / anyone looking at me would think that I'm fine (as they say) ...

silence

can be comforting, or it can be threatening ...

when

the University suggests that we leave our cars at home, are they willing to absorb the extra 2 hours of travelling time per day ...

shaky

hit a horrible emotional low this morning (probably a combination of loneliness, and trying to get to grips with work again) ...

but

I don't see how yet another blog is the answer ...

whether

to stick with this blog ...

breakfast

something to look forward to ...

sore

flu, I reckon ...

positive

tempted to describe to-day negatively - ie not at work / but, positively, I'm taking the family to the dentist (which is a chore) ...

detachment

shan't be at work to-morrow / makes to-day an odd sort of day ...

people not saying what they mean

could we have an update / means / why haven't you fixed it ...

(I could spend my whole time updating people, instead of trying to fix problems)

dreich

actually, given the forecast, quite pleasant, really ...

reflecting

on stress at work / how much is self-imposed ...

on the other hand

'it seemed like a good idea at the time' isn't a good basis for taking a significant (and probably irrevocable) decision ...

scared

but, for once, the change I'm contemplating carries many positives ...

cold

doesn't encourage the getting up process ...

catch 22

what do other (working) parents do ...

coaling plant

I think that's what it's called ...

highs and lows

yesterday evening, I felt quite good / I felt that I'd kept going when the going was difficult, and won through / this morning, I'm right back down in the trough, again ...

grown men

don't cry ...

music at lunchtime

it's a lovely idea, but it doesn't work if one is generally stressed (this is in a work context) / which is a pity, because music generally helps to reduce stress / but not when attending a concert is stressful ...

[I think that what I'm trying to say is: attending a concert is beneficial, but (possibly because I have asperger's) the process of attending the concert may be stressful; so, when I am already stressed, I may not be capable of taking on the additional stress of attending the concert, even though the overall result may be an improvement in my mood (but not necessarily, if I'm too stressed about trying to attend a concert in the middle of my working day)]

quiet

for now ...

terrified

like walking a tightrope ...

how many times am I going to have to say this

I could be ready to leave within half an hour, and be at work an hour (or more) before 9 o'clock / so, if my conscience is making me feel guilty about, eventually, arriving at my desk well after 9 o'clock / there is nothing that I can do about it ...

darkness

no choice but to take my time / have to take my son to breakfast club ...

rationing

chocolate ...

why

doesn't God answer ...

publicity

a recently received email has reminded me that I often make public stuff which some people keep private / I do it carefully, hiding identities, locations (generally) / on the other hand, reading other people's blog posts, I realise how much I gain by their willingness to publish stuff / I guess that it is partly to do with personality / I'm not sufficiently skilled at relationships to share effectively with individuals, so I make the information generally available / if someone picks it up sympathetically, that's great ...

triggers

perhaps I need to be more aware of what causes me to cease to be the calm, capable person I was last Thursday, and become the panic stricken person I am now ...

update

a modern word / but there are always (at least) two sides ...

not simple

the language used in church seems to imply that God is in control / that the individual worshipper has peace because he or she trusts in an all-powerful God / but the reality appears to be different / our lives are impacted by people and organisations which do not bow to this all-powerful God / and we just have to do what we can ...

between

cooking and eating tea, and doing the dishes #rocknroll ...

waiting game

better to be patient, or to make a fuss ...

victor hugo

peaceful - good / anxious - not so good ...

alive

but stuck / in a job which I can't do ...

sunshine

but to-morrow / the sun may shine / the bottom line is: I have to work / and I don't think that alternative employment is an option ...

feeling broken

and depending on the Royal Mail ...

the last day

of the holiday (I'm off on monDay, but that's to cover an in-service day) ...

not

coping ...

burdensome

I'm still the one who has to make things happen ...

too many brussels sprouts

is it worth it

the wife wants to visit gullane (beach) / the son wants to stay at home ...

so

it's 2012 (has to be better than 2011) ...