whether

to stick with this blog ...

breakfast

something to look forward to ...

sore

flu, I reckon ...

positive

tempted to describe to-day negatively - ie not at work / but, positively, I'm taking the family to the dentist (which is a chore) ...

detachment

shan't be at work to-morrow / makes to-day an odd sort of day ...

people not saying what they mean

could we have an update / means / why haven't you fixed it ...

(I could spend my whole time updating people, instead of trying to fix problems)

dreich

actually, given the forecast, quite pleasant, really ...

reflecting

on stress at work / how much is self-imposed ...

on the other hand

'it seemed like a good idea at the time' isn't a good basis for taking a significant (and probably irrevocable) decision ...

scared

but, for once, the change I'm contemplating carries many positives ...

cold

doesn't encourage the getting up process ...

catch 22

what do other (working) parents do ...

coaling plant

I think that's what it's called ...

highs and lows

yesterday evening, I felt quite good / I felt that I'd kept going when the going was difficult, and won through / this morning, I'm right back down in the trough, again ...

grown men

don't cry ...

music at lunchtime

it's a lovely idea, but it doesn't work if one is generally stressed (this is in a work context) / which is a pity, because music generally helps to reduce stress / but not when attending a concert is stressful ...

[I think that what I'm trying to say is: attending a concert is beneficial, but (possibly because I have asperger's) the process of attending the concert may be stressful; so, when I am already stressed, I may not be capable of taking on the additional stress of attending the concert, even though the overall result may be an improvement in my mood (but not necessarily, if I'm too stressed about trying to attend a concert in the middle of my working day)]

quiet

for now ...

terrified

like walking a tightrope ...

how many times am I going to have to say this

I could be ready to leave within half an hour, and be at work an hour (or more) before 9 o'clock / so, if my conscience is making me feel guilty about, eventually, arriving at my desk well after 9 o'clock / there is nothing that I can do about it ...

darkness

no choice but to take my time / have to take my son to breakfast club ...

rationing

chocolate ...

why

doesn't God answer ...

publicity

a recently received email has reminded me that I often make public stuff which some people keep private / I do it carefully, hiding identities, locations (generally) / on the other hand, reading other people's blog posts, I realise how much I gain by their willingness to publish stuff / I guess that it is partly to do with personality / I'm not sufficiently skilled at relationships to share effectively with individuals, so I make the information generally available / if someone picks it up sympathetically, that's great ...

triggers

perhaps I need to be more aware of what causes me to cease to be the calm, capable person I was last Thursday, and become the panic stricken person I am now ...

update

a modern word / but there are always (at least) two sides ...

not simple

the language used in church seems to imply that God is in control / that the individual worshipper has peace because he or she trusts in an all-powerful God / but the reality appears to be different / our lives are impacted by people and organisations which do not bow to this all-powerful God / and we just have to do what we can ...

between

cooking and eating tea, and doing the dishes #rocknroll ...

waiting game

better to be patient, or to make a fuss ...

victor hugo

peaceful - good / anxious - not so good ...

alive

but stuck / in a job which I can't do ...

sunshine

but to-morrow / the sun may shine / the bottom line is: I have to work / and I don't think that alternative employment is an option ...

feeling broken

and depending on the Royal Mail ...

the last day

of the holiday (I'm off on monDay, but that's to cover an in-service day) ...

not

coping ...

burdensome

I'm still the one who has to make things happen ...

too many brussels sprouts

is it worth it

the wife wants to visit gullane (beach) / the son wants to stay at home ...

so

it's 2012 (has to be better than 2011) ...

crucially

there is no respite / there is not even one day that I can call my own / when I don't have to be responsive to the needs (wants?) of my family, or the users ...

strands

faith

in #god ...

relaxed

not really / trying to position boundaries / in readiness (not yet) for the new year ...

a walk

would have improved yesterday ...

nearly

didn't blog to-day ...

unto us

a son is given ...

squeezed

out ...

holiday

traffic mayhem @fortkinnaird ...

not so quiet

had to pull back ...

quiet

keep going ...

constant theme

those who think that both parents should work should come up with the solution for what to do about children who don't want to get up ...

intermission

soon be taking the c-a-t-s to the v-e-t ...

keeping going

really, really don't know what's right ...

christmas tree

here ...

virus

maximising its spread ...

incredibly

difficult ...

putting off

reading my email ...

007

broken

off work, sick, at home ...

low

in some ways, these days, sunDay afternoons are worse than monDay mornings ...

it would be good

if david cameron was as attentive to the voices of the poor as he is to those of the rich ...

words fail

reached office, around 2 pm / saw that boss had phoned, a few minutes before / called back / was told to go home ...

not great

it's only five past nine, and already I'm feeling overwhelmed ...

tired

realising just how tired I am ...

monDay mornings

am I allowed to say - an abomination ...

first snow

trying not to be anxious ...

I disagree

I believe that the Church of Scotland is wrong to oppose gay marriage ...

contrast

from a secular university, to an evangelical meeting ...

mental health

How often do mental health professionals inhibit the error messages (for example, by prescribing drugs) instead of trying to solve the problem?

not striking

to-day, anyway ...

perceptible

tired

really, really tired ...

Lee Scoresby

and his flying machine ...

no photo

or photos, taken / did to-day really happen ...

taking a step back

there is still stuff people want me to fix, or to do, for them / but it's lunchtime / and the weekend is just 5 hours away / need to think what's reasonable, possible ...

cry for help

masquerading as the documentation for my annual development review ...

getting away from the computer

difficult ...

away from the office

but not away from the computer ...

not hated

by Jesus (can I say that?) ...

stepwise

it's a quarter past one ...

waiting

unresolved / it's dark outside ...

first day back at work after a week off / am I coping? I really don't know ...

scream

curling around, then up / despair, horror, even / no longer expecting a resolution
hope / surely, by now, there would be evidence
and so, the screaming continues
silently ...

so

the new Blogger doesn't support Opera (the browser) / I suppose that if you're trying to promote your own (derivative) browser, you're not going to encourage people to use the genuine innovator ...

crisis

on day two ...

oh! frabjous day

back to school ...

habakkuk

a prophet, witnessing destruction ...

sunDay

trying to tidy my room ...

saturDay

driving ...

friDay

half day / walking away ...

drained

but there's work to be done ...

when people have nothing to lose

and are excluded, what happens ...

indulgence

God loves me

it doesn't always feel like it ...

company

having spent this week adapting to being alone, to-day I am working in an office with two occupants ...

confidence

I lack confidence / perhaps I should just decide to be confident (ignoring all the mistakes I am likely to make) ...

[by the way: this is truly inspiring]

as summer ends

the academic year begins (again) ...

the lull

before the storm ...

essentially

there is no-one I can freely talk with ...

prioritise

just wait one moment / I have two jobs to do / I can only do one of them / so, sensibly, I prioritise / which means that one of them doesn't get done / which means I get shouted at ...

(probably better just to do both jobs (badly)) ...

freedom

to-day's word ...

circular

instead of point to point ...