eScape

it's tempting to contemplate a computer free weekend, but hardly practical, when calendars, timetables, bank accounts, and communication all seem to require internet access ...

crisis

if what I've planned (for to-day) is successful, we move on / if not, I simply don't know what happens ...

frightened

moved towards a couple of resolutions, yesterday, but still there's an underlying fear ...

trying out

uBuntu ...

organisation

even where the desk is almost bare, apart from a computer, need to do preliminary work before I can start being productive ...

breathing space

it may not be possible, but it is required ...

psalm 104:1a

bless the Lord, o my soul ...

friDay

the only difference, I guess, being that whatever challenges we face to-day can be laid aside for two days, subsequently ...

breakfast

a cooked breakfast in a canteen / a luxury, I guess / helps to start the day ...

longevity

at least, blogger is still here (was that a dangerous thing to say?) ...

change of place

induces tiredness ...

positivism

can't do this ...

my thanks

especially to ian / got through the day (though next week should be busy, helping all of the people who kindly cut me some slack) / and appreciated some downtime to-day ...

likelihood

of breaking down to-day is pretty high ...

jabber

hope

that in crises, God will resource ...

fragile

vulnerable, coping, so far ...

uncomfortable fame

a suspicious death in the town where I live ...

that was yesterday

if anything, to-day promises to be worse ...

tired, angry

but with no options ...

infrequent

weary

always being challenged / good, in some ways ...

triumph

just saying / musical youth's 'wizard of oz' was excellent ...

justice

where to start ...

taxi

driver ...

doing battle

with malware (I guess, that deciding to rebuild the computer is a sign of losing) ...

missed a day

ah well (but have managed to stay away from flickr) ...

fasting

may give up flickr for Lent ...

worry

endemic ...

ironic

to be missing church in order to do homework / the topic: a piece explaining one's admiration for Eric Liddell, who refused to take part in a race whose heats were to take place on a Sunday ...

bright

and to some, beautiful ...

bye, spot

a cafe where I work is closing ...

tears

no / anyone looking at me would think that I'm fine (as they say) ...

silence

can be comforting, or it can be threatening ...

when

the University suggests that we leave our cars at home, are they willing to absorb the extra 2 hours of travelling time per day ...

shaky

hit a horrible emotional low this morning (probably a combination of loneliness, and trying to get to grips with work again) ...

but

I don't see how yet another blog is the answer ...

whether

to stick with this blog ...

breakfast

something to look forward to ...

sore

flu, I reckon ...

positive

tempted to describe to-day negatively - ie not at work / but, positively, I'm taking the family to the dentist (which is a chore) ...

detachment

shan't be at work to-morrow / makes to-day an odd sort of day ...

people not saying what they mean

could we have an update / means / why haven't you fixed it ...

(I could spend my whole time updating people, instead of trying to fix problems)

dreich

actually, given the forecast, quite pleasant, really ...

reflecting

on stress at work / how much is self-imposed ...

on the other hand

'it seemed like a good idea at the time' isn't a good basis for taking a significant (and probably irrevocable) decision ...

scared

but, for once, the change I'm contemplating carries many positives ...

cold

doesn't encourage the getting up process ...

catch 22

what do other (working) parents do ...

coaling plant

I think that's what it's called ...

highs and lows

yesterday evening, I felt quite good / I felt that I'd kept going when the going was difficult, and won through / this morning, I'm right back down in the trough, again ...

grown men

don't cry ...

music at lunchtime

it's a lovely idea, but it doesn't work if one is generally stressed (this is in a work context) / which is a pity, because music generally helps to reduce stress / but not when attending a concert is stressful ...

[I think that what I'm trying to say is: attending a concert is beneficial, but (possibly because I have asperger's) the process of attending the concert may be stressful; so, when I am already stressed, I may not be capable of taking on the additional stress of attending the concert, even though the overall result may be an improvement in my mood (but not necessarily, if I'm too stressed about trying to attend a concert in the middle of my working day)]

quiet

for now ...

terrified

like walking a tightrope ...

how many times am I going to have to say this

I could be ready to leave within half an hour, and be at work an hour (or more) before 9 o'clock / so, if my conscience is making me feel guilty about, eventually, arriving at my desk well after 9 o'clock / there is nothing that I can do about it ...

darkness

no choice but to take my time / have to take my son to breakfast club ...

rationing

chocolate ...

why

doesn't God answer ...

publicity

a recently received email has reminded me that I often make public stuff which some people keep private / I do it carefully, hiding identities, locations (generally) / on the other hand, reading other people's blog posts, I realise how much I gain by their willingness to publish stuff / I guess that it is partly to do with personality / I'm not sufficiently skilled at relationships to share effectively with individuals, so I make the information generally available / if someone picks it up sympathetically, that's great ...

triggers

perhaps I need to be more aware of what causes me to cease to be the calm, capable person I was last Thursday, and become the panic stricken person I am now ...

update

a modern word / but there are always (at least) two sides ...

not simple

the language used in church seems to imply that God is in control / that the individual worshipper has peace because he or she trusts in an all-powerful God / but the reality appears to be different / our lives are impacted by people and organisations which do not bow to this all-powerful God / and we just have to do what we can ...

between

cooking and eating tea, and doing the dishes #rocknroll ...

waiting game

better to be patient, or to make a fuss ...

victor hugo

peaceful - good / anxious - not so good ...

alive

but stuck / in a job which I can't do ...

sunshine

but to-morrow / the sun may shine / the bottom line is: I have to work / and I don't think that alternative employment is an option ...

feeling broken

and depending on the Royal Mail ...

the last day

of the holiday (I'm off on monDay, but that's to cover an in-service day) ...

not

coping ...

burdensome

I'm still the one who has to make things happen ...

too many brussels sprouts

is it worth it

the wife wants to visit gullane (beach) / the son wants to stay at home ...

so

it's 2012 (has to be better than 2011) ...

crucially

there is no respite / there is not even one day that I can call my own / when I don't have to be responsive to the needs (wants?) of my family, or the users ...

strands

faith

in #god ...

relaxed

not really / trying to position boundaries / in readiness (not yet) for the new year ...

a walk

would have improved yesterday ...

nearly

didn't blog to-day ...

unto us

a son is given ...

squeezed

out ...

holiday

traffic mayhem @fortkinnaird ...

not so quiet

had to pull back ...

quiet

keep going ...

constant theme

those who think that both parents should work should come up with the solution for what to do about children who don't want to get up ...

intermission

soon be taking the c-a-t-s to the v-e-t ...

keeping going

really, really don't know what's right ...

christmas tree

here ...

virus

maximising its spread ...

incredibly

difficult ...

putting off

reading my email ...

007

broken

off work, sick, at home ...

low

in some ways, these days, sunDay afternoons are worse than monDay mornings ...

it would be good

if david cameron was as attentive to the voices of the poor as he is to those of the rich ...

words fail

reached office, around 2 pm / saw that boss had phoned, a few minutes before / called back / was told to go home ...

not great

it's only five past nine, and already I'm feeling overwhelmed ...

tired

realising just how tired I am ...