Was God watching over me?

This morning, I deleted a user's local email folders. Over a gig (1 gigabyte) of data, almost certainly irreplaceable. I didn't mean to, of course.

But for this particular user, some months ago, I set up a backup procedure, which meant that these folders were backed up last night (I certainly hope they were - now I'm not quite sure). When I started writing this entry, I thought that I had managed to retrieve the files from a recent backup, but, sadly, it looks as though the backup hasn't run since March of this year. So, I have lost possibly 3 months' worth of emails.

Maybe I should be leaving God out of this debacle. It's been a disaster; it could have been worse. My fault, I suppose, for not taking an immediate backup before doing anything with someone's data.

Coincidence

I'm at work. Quite frankly, I wasn't getting much rest at home, and if I hadn't come into work to-day, I wouldn't (as I think I mentioned earlier) have been able to speak to my acting manager before he goes on holiday. Our son is still not well; indeed, my wife isn't 100%, so, conveniently, she is at home. I do wonder whether, when Tony Blair (I always hold him personally responsible) says that he wants both parents to be at work, he considers the possibility that sometimes family members are ill - even one family member being ill puts a stress on the system - the simple, bottom line is that one person being ill means that somebody else has to look after that person - but that somebody else isn't regarded as being ill, so they have a finite number of days which they are allowed to use for the purpose - so, I imagine, Mr Blair has worked out a way to limit the number of days that a person is going to be ill in a year - otherwise, things, eventually, are going to break.

So, in this particular nuclear family, we have three members below par.

I have learned that the email upgrade (which I also mentioned earlier) is being postponed again. On the whole, I am relieved. Perhaps this news represents what my wife would call 'an answer to prayer'. The removal of just one source of stress has to be welcome.

Well ...

Son's dental problems turned out to have a benign cause - there are teeth coming through, causing a certain amount of pain. But he's 'no weel', and neither is his dad.

The difficulty for me is that at work there is an impending crisis. This weekend, an upgrade is being performed on our email service, which may mean that some people won't be able to access their email on Monday. So they'll contact their User Support Team, of which three senior members will be on holiday (good / bad timing). If I'm not back at work to-morrow, I shan't have an opportunity to speak with my acting manager. I suppose that I've got a pretty good chance of being back at work by Monday, but it isn't likely to be pleasant diving in without a bit of time to prepare. I don't know if I am to be personally in charge (if I'm there), or sharing the leadership with a colleague. Either way, this is not a good time to be off sick.

Cue some thoughts about God's power being made perfect in weakness ...

You took the words right out of my mouth!

And the moral dilemmas continue. I'm off work to-day, with a sore throat. My son has been complaining of a sore mouth, and has an appointment to see the dentist. Because he's also generally unwell, I'm driving him and his mother (and our daughter) to the dentist's surgery, instead of expecting them to make a somewhat arduous bus journey. Needs must ...

unSelfishness

A question - possibly rhetorical - if we try too hard to be unselfish, might we put ourselves under so much stress that we, eventually, break, thus spoiling the point somewhat?

But ...

What I have just written is more or less what I was taught as a youngster, and what I've been more or less (sometimes, notably less) happy with since then. For example, as a teenager, I read somewhere that you could only properly experience salvation when you came to an end of yourself. You had to try to 'go it alone', and fail, before you could honestly say that you'd called out to Jesus and been saved. I know that this sounds silly, but it was a real problem for me as a teenager. And you can see how it might follow from a misunderstanding of the principle that God saves those who have accepted that they are unable to save themselves.

I have seen the same argument applied to addictions such as alcoholism. It is the experience of many that before they can begin to find healing they have to 'hit bottom'. And that on the way down there may be occasions when they try to turn from the drink (or whatever), and fail, because they are doing so partly as an effort of will. Alcoholics Anonymous recognise the need to acknowledge a Higher Power; Christians may call that Power, 'God', and say that they are saved by God, and not by their own efforts.

Again, I feed back into my own experience, to a particular meeting when I was, I guess, 18 years old, struggling with all sorts of issues. The meeting took place, significantly, not in my own church, but in another of the same denomination, in the same town. I can identify the speaker - I'm not sure that I should. His intention (I guess), was that we should become Christians. Later, a conversation took place with my own minister during which my minister indicated that he was hurt by the suggestion that I needed to 'become' a Christian; wasn't I already one by virtue of attending his church?

Anyway, I can remember little of what the speaker said (except, possibly, some biographical information; this was probably where I first heard his life story), except the climax - the punchline, if you like. He asked us (rhetorically) what we would say when we met Jesus in the afterlife. Would we say, "I did my best"? I sat there, thinking, fair enough. "Wrong," he thundered. We should throw ourselves abjectly at Jesus' feet and claim nothing but his blood for our salvation. I paraphrase, but this is pretty well what was said. And, of course, theologically, he's right. But psychologically? I have never since been able to say, "I did my best," without thinking that I should be saying something else. It seems to destroy any point of trying at all. Shouldn't we just sit back and be saved?

I went forward at the end of the meeting. Sadly, the counsellor who dealt with me didn't understand that I had come to an end of myself, and was acknowledging my need of salvation. I came away, eventually, with a short bible reading course to do (ironically - I was already doing daily bible readings with Scripture Union). Actually, I didn't come away with anything. I gave them my address, and they sent me by post a series of leaflets which were, in effect, encouraging me to read the bible. And they contacted my minister, hence the conversation alluded to earlier.

What I am trying to say is this. We are all different. We have all walked different journeys. Your experience is not necessarily my experience. And, perhaps unfortunately, it is the most dramatic experiences which get remembered. But just because my experience has lacked drama, it isn't any less real. You may have needed to experience utter degradation; you may have slept rough (actually, I did sleep rough once, because I thought that only those who had nothing, not even a roof over their heads, could be saved); but that doesn't mean that degradation is a necessary step along the way.

Again, I suppose, it's case of - thanks be to God for his indescribable gift ...

Absolutely

And the last thing I want to do is to come up with a seventh. If you will forgive me, what I intend to try to do is to use this blog as thinking space. What I write may (certainly will) be incomplete, unclear - more a succession of thoughts than an exposition. Some years ago, I was staying at Carberry Tower, and came across in the library a book called "Markings", by Dag Hammarskjold. I may regard that book as my inspiration.

I am doubly inspired, now, to have read in the related Wikipedia article that Hammarskjold's book talks about an "inner journey", because, coincidentally, Jim Packer has been using a similar phrase, the "inward journey", to describe the life that we live to God and ourselves, as opposed to the life we live to the world around us, and to other people, in the very passage of "Keep in Step with the Spirit" that I was reading as I ate my macaroni cheese and chips (comfort food, I know).

So much for the bread - where's the meat in the sandwich? Romans 3:21-31 is the crucial passage where Paul turns from his litany of human woes and failings to put forward God's answer. I would say that it isn't until the 5th chapter that, gloriously, we hear the trumpets resound, but here, in the 3rd chapter is, perhaps, the first statement of a theme which is to be developed further. The old way has failed. What was the old way? I suppose - obeying the law. I'm reminded of the young man who said to Jesus that he had faithfully kept all of the commandments, and yet Jesus observed that something was missing.

So what is the new way? Is it that we, finally, admit that we cannot do it ourselves? Do we arrive at a moment (like when an alcoholic hits bottom, and finally accepts that he has a problem) when we turn to God, and cry, "help"? Does it matter if we understand how God is able to help us? Isn't it more important that we simply realise that he wants to help us?

Thank God for this gift, his gift. No language can praise it enough!

A short overview of Paul's letter to the Romans

We're all bad, hopelessly bad. But God has provided a way for us to become good. Ah, but here's the rub - we become good by putting our faith in Jesus Christ. Except that if you ask four different Christians just what that means, you'll get four different answers.

In a meeting
There seems to be a floor cleaner trying to break in ...

Flocking

Just trying out the new blog editor; a bit shocked by to-day's weather ...

Blogged with Flock

Online
mo:blogging - actually getting quite a lot out of Jim Packer's "In Step with the Spirit".

Flocking

I have so many tools to use to update this blog, but nothing to write ...

Blogged with Flock

Diversion

This isn't terribly likely - a CAC Boomerang over Seattle (in Microsoft Flight Simulator).

And now for something ...

Another approach – Blogger for Word – maybe this will get us going again …

Techie stuff
VPN is worklng!

Why are we waiting
In Prestonpans?

But the API doesn't support titles
So why mandate one?

Fresh Start
Hoping for a renaissance - palmblogging again.

This isn't really working

I would love to be sharing on a daily basis deep insights gleaned from my study of the bible, but in practice I don't seem to have anything significant to share, and it's difficult to find the time and energy to do it properly.

Maybe Visor Thoughts will find itself a new direction ...

Faith

Ezra was too embarrassed to ask the king for an escort; instead he prayed and fasted for three days. Nehemiah, on the other hand, thought that an escort would be a good idea.

Providentially, as I walked the final stage of my journey to work this morning, the rector came by in his 4x4, and offered me a lift. I, gratefully, accepted. During the ensuing conversation, however, I thought that I should let him know that we (my family) may be leaving his church in the not too distant future. This isn't an easy decision. If it does happen, then it's better that our rector knows about it sooner than later. If it doesn't happen, then I guess that I could have spared him some grief by not saying that it could happen.

I am, undeniably, a people-pleaser. I can't help it. My number one priority is to keep people happy. But there is no way that I can make everybody happy.