Saturday, April 19, 2008

Where am I?

This is a peculiar darkness ...

Work terrifies me, these days. There is simply too much to do. Perhaps, if I had different skills, I would be able to get other people to perform some of the tasks - but I don't. I've had my second interview with the lady who is trying to decide whether or not I have Asperger's. It's an odd experience. I had to complete a questionnaire which was designed to assess how well I empathise with other people. As I worked through it, I was conscious of how much, throughout my life, people have said to me that the one thing which is more important than anything else is what they generally call love, but which seems to me to be something like empathy. And here I am, being asked - do I empathise? Of course, it feels like a trick question.

So, if, because of who I am, I can't empathise (maybe I can - the doctor seemed to be thinking that I do empathise - but then if I've put so much effort into trying to empathise, surely I have been able to, to some extent - but, then, maybe I've been fooling myself all along). What I'm trying to get my head around is - how can they say that love is everything, if there is a group of people who are unable to love? Except, I suppose, that empathy and love aren't necessarily the same thing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Don't rush to say because I have Aspergers I can't/I am etc etc. I've mentioned my son before. He has huge capacity for love, despite AS, empathy perhaps less so - although he feels greatly for people on the news. And given the number of chores he gets out of his ability to delegate is off the scale! This is, however, generally linked to his very winning smile and good looks (everyone's opinion - not just mine as a mother)rather than the AS.