sunset

sunset
Originally uploaded by orkantw8

- beautiful ...

Nimrod On Finals.

Nimrod On Finals.
Originally uploaded by stonefaction

Magnificent picture!

Too much

Too much
Originally uploaded by Glaswegian

Well, I have to be allowed to blog this ...

Last night wasn't too bad

We need to get into some sort of routine, and if it works better when I'm the one putting the children to bed, then that's OK; especially during the summer, when they don't have homework!

Dragging myself on

The morning was tough - trying to make even a little progress on some outstanding issues; I spent the afternoon on the desk; and now on my way home I have to fit in some shopping; eventually, at home, I'm going to have to get the children off to bed (perhaps not on my own, but if there are any problems, I'm the one who seems to have to sort them out).

Threatening storm

The sky is grey; it will soon be raining.

How do we know when a feeling of angst is justified, and when it should be brushed aside?

Not saying anything new

Just affirming that I am still here ...

A bit sad really

We have a family tradition - at the first 'bong' of midnight (31st December), we run to the back door of the house, and open it to let the old year out, then run to the front door, hopefully before the twelfth 'bong', to welcome in the new year. My thoughts concerning the old year, as it went, can be paraphrased as 'good riddance'.

I am encouraged that, as tractorgirl says - the way to heaven can sometimes be through a dung-covered field (I'm paraphrasing, again) - but, somehow, 2006 is going to be remembered as 'not being particularly happy'. Here's to 2007 (which didn't start awfully well - my son got locked in the toilet - thankfully, though, he managed to extricate himself).

Black-lined

Doesn't sound too good, but it is good news. To be black-lined is to be mapped across to the grade in the new system which is equivalent to your former grade in the old system (in the pay modernisation process we have just undergone). Colleagues (not in our team) have been red-circled (which means that their resulting grade is lower than their previous grade - effectively a pay cut, delayed for three years while they try to 'grow their jobs'). I believe that a (small) number of members of our team have been double green-circled (their new grade is two steps above their previous grade).

Shouldn't I be saying 'no'?

Uphill struggle - carrying too much weight - and I've been asked to do something else!

Still trying to get things done

Basically, overwhelmed. I don't want to procrastinate, but simple arithmetic dictates that not every task can be completed to-day. The old way was to keep on saying that the less urgent tasks can be done to-morrow, but then to-morrow comes around, and those delayed tasks are just waiting to bite me. Now, I'm trying to juggle the many tasks which are trying to grab my attention - and somehow select the next task to be tackled on the basis of some sort of priority rating (or just to choose a task which can be done for the sake of doing it, and ticking off one item from the list).

Gulping in air

I feel as if I have just come to the surface, and have a few moments to breathe in oxygen, before plunging back to the deep, to grapple with sea monsters.

New responsibilities are to be welcomed (even against the backdrop of continued uncertainty regarding the outcome of the pay modernisation process). And I'm trying to develop systems for coping with these new responsibilities. It isn't easy.

Getting things done

Greater responsibility means more pressure to get things done. Become interested in David Allen's philosophy. People describe his approach as 'bottom up', which appeals to me; I've always been (even when I didn't recognise it) a 'bottom up' sort of person. It's one of the axes in the Myers-Briggs personality indicator - Sensing would correspond with 'bottom up', while Intuition is more 'top down'.

So, I'm reading the book, and trying to put it into practice. And finding all sorts of interesting tools to help me. And trying to integrate these new ideas with the tools which I already have - Microsoft Outlook on my desktop PC, and iambic Agendus on my Palm. All the while having to actually get things done (split infinitive for emphasis).

Challenging.

Real work

I spent an hour (possibly more) this morning creating a print queue on the college server which we look after.

Not really a story - but it is good to be getting back into harness (and taking on new responsibilities).

What happened?

Apologies to anyone who has been reading this blog for the past few weeks, and is surprised at the disappearance of several posts. I woke up in the middle of Friday night, and thought what might happen if the wrong people saw some of what was written therein.

A daily blog is inevitably raw; if I write about what is happening to me now, then my feelings may still be running high. This is the value of an easily accessible medium - one may, in the traditional phrase, let off steam. It may also be a danger, however, if material composed in anger remains visible. Matters put behind one may be resurrected.

I intend (currently) to persevere nevertheless. The past weeks would have been less bearable without my daily attempts to write something down. I'm sorry that I could not retain the record, but I still think that Saturday's quick removal of the whole story was unavoidable.

Carpe diem

Once, Jesus had the opportunity to heal a man on the sabbath, but was opposed by some pharisees. He could have said to the man, "Come and see me to-morrow." Surely it wouldn't have made a huge difference to the man, and would have kept happy those who wished to defend the sabbath. But, of course, he didn't.

Holiness

Jim Packer, in Keep in Step with the Spirit, mischievously comments that there exists no contemporary account of holiness, so he will perforce write his own. He begins by suggesting that the New Testament view of holiness has two components - the idea of being set apart, and the idea of being morally pure. Coincidentally, I read this passage from Matthew's gospel this morning (Matthew 10:34-39 Msg):

"Don't think I've come to make life cozy. I've come to cut—make a sharp knife-cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-law—cut through these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God. Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies. If you prefer father or mother over me, you don't deserve me. If you prefer son or daughter over me, you don't deserve me.
"If you don't go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don't deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me.

I've always found Jesus' statement disturbing. Is he against families? Jim Packer proposes a paradox: the detachment implied by our being set apart for God enables us to be more loving towards family members, neighbours, friends, etc. Possibly. There is a state called codependency which is regarded as unhealthy; maybe if we are firmly dependent upon God, we can be more real towards our fellow human beings.

Still struggling

This weekend, I wondered if the troubles of the past week might have been a punishment for my less than enthusiastic response to Awakening UK. I was challenged by what happened to the official who responded to Elisha's prophecy of deliverance thus (2 Kings 7:2 Msg):

The attendant on whom the king leaned for support said to the Holy Man, "You expect us to believe that? Trapdoors opening in the sky and food tumbling out?"

to which Elisha responded:

"You'll watch it with your own eyes," he said, "but you will not eat so much as a mouthful!"

There doesn't seem to be a place in the Christian life for honest scepticism (which is what I thought that I was expressing).

Drawing lines in the sand

How do we move forward? Something unfortunate has happened. Maybe it was avoidable; maybe it wasn't. There is a certain amount of anger in the air - maybe on both sides. There have been problems - nagging problems, which I haven't been able to solve - whose presence may have contributed to this particular conflagration.

Who was to blame? Am I (to some degree) at fault? Do I need to change? Do other people need to change (recognising that whatever I think, it is they who must decide the direction of their lives, and how they live them)? Does the situation need to change?

How do I move forward? If I withdraw, behave more coolly, what will be the consequences? What, exactly, does forgiveness mean in this situation?

Is a more radical departure called for? Should I be seriously looking for another job? In the same instituion, or elsewhere?

Betrayal

Psalm 55:12-14 (Msg)

This isn't the neighborhood bully
mocking me—I could take that.
This isn't a foreign devil spitting
invective—I could tune that out.
It's you! We grew up together!
You! My best friend!
Those long hours of leisure as we walked
arm in arm, God a third party to our conversation.