Sunday, September 21, 2008

Depression

The sun is shining. I've opened the (house) windows, and really should be in the garden, tackling some weeds. My wife and daughter are in church; my son is downstairs playing his new DS game (Pokemon). But my heart is heavy. No big reason; just my constant inability to surf the wave of life. I always seem to be just beneath the surface, gasping for breath, struggling to reach the surface.

I'm being more candid than I usually am, inspired by my friend Ian's reference to the story of Hannah Modra. I know someone who (perhaps not unexpectedly) took her own life. And I am constantly aware of my own inner darkness - to-day so out of tune with the day's brightness.

And this isn't a 'poor me' post. I know how fortunate I am, and am truly thankful. It's just - perhaps mostly tiredness - I don't know ...

And I would add my prayers to Ian's. I'm back remembering the Shack, and that papa (God) loves us with such a gentle love, past understanding ...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

One of the most painful things I find about depression / anxiety is the small joys it robs me of; a sunny day, etc.

My prayers Chas.

Chas said...

Thanks, Ian. Even I am being cheered by the sunshine we're currently enjoying; I hope that you're feeling better ...