Self portrait with the new cameraphone

Not as capable as the old one, but OK ...

Of birthdays and families

To-day is my wife's birthday. And, conveniently, my mother is coming to stay with us for a couple of days because my daughter has arranged with her class teacher for my mother to come and speak to the class on Monday morning about World War II, about which my daughter's class are doing a project, and through which my mother lived. So we (wife, (my) mother, daughter, son, and me) are going out for a meal this evening.

My mother can be somewhat critical when observing the tidiness of house and garden - well, we've done our best ...

Joppa

Complete with UFO ...

Eastfield

Sunshine

--
Sent using a Sony Ericsson mobile phone

If I were to post

And I were to be truthful, I would report that I am not coping.

But I didn't post, and we've had our team meeting, and I've had my lunch, and I've enjoyed listening to some Brahms (the 2nd, 3rd and 4th movements of his 1st symphony). I don't suppose that I'm coping any better, but I'm feeling happier ...

Climbing the hill

These days, I do far less hillwalking than I used to. But when I did, I recall that it was best not to stop too often, but that some rest points were needed. I always seemed to be at the back of the party, and was often frustrated when the main group paused, just long enough for the stragglers to catch up, and then set off again.

The great moment, of course, is the achievement of the summit, often coinciding with time to consume our packed lunches. But I'm thinking also of the mid morning break, on the shoulder of the hill, perhaps the cars still in sight, tiny, far below. Between two worlds - the demanding, complicated world of normal life - and the bracing otherness of the high plateau ...

Integrity

Still dealing with the (mostly positive) repercussions of reading "The Shack". I've been challenged to become more aware of God's presence. I think that I'd settled into a view of God as being 'out there', not 'here'. And consequently I'm having to consider that God (or Jesus, or the Holy Spirit - my grasp of the concept of the trinity isn't great) is interested in every aspect of my life - not just prayer times and church attendance. Which I've always accepted in theory, but found difficult in practice.

Many years ago, I attended some kind of gospel rally in the Music Hall, Aberdeen. Where the speaker made some comment about how much more valuable was the event taking place than what usually happened in the Music Hall. And I was thinking - the event which I had previously attended (most recently) at that venue was a symphony concert. Did he really have the right to claim that what he was presenting was significantly better than the moving, uplifting, edifying concert I'd been to a few weeks before?

Back to work

We seem to be enjoying an indian summer. First day of the teaching term - the campus suddenly switches from being relatively quiet to being populated by (young-looking) students. And I need to turn my attention from home stuff to work stuff ...

Depression

The sun is shining. I've opened the (house) windows, and really should be in the garden, tackling some weeds. My wife and daughter are in church; my son is downstairs playing his new DS game (Pokemon). But my heart is heavy. No big reason; just my constant inability to surf the wave of life. I always seem to be just beneath the surface, gasping for breath, struggling to reach the surface.

I'm being more candid than I usually am, inspired by my friend Ian's reference to the story of Hannah Modra. I know someone who (perhaps not unexpectedly) took her own life. And I am constantly aware of my own inner darkness - to-day so out of tune with the day's brightness.

And this isn't a 'poor me' post. I know how fortunate I am, and am truly thankful. It's just - perhaps mostly tiredness - I don't know ...

And I would add my prayers to Ian's. I'm back remembering the Shack, and that papa (God) loves us with such a gentle love, past understanding ...

Blitz

Yesterday, I crashed through my electronic in-tray (our call management system, at work). I'm quite pleased that I managed to do something with most of the items therein, possibly not the right thing, or the best thing. So I can start next week, which is already overloaded, with somewhat less baggage than I had at the start of this one.

And I'm quite pleased to have my Saturday mornings back. Last year, our daughter attended a ballet class which involved me in driving her there, driving back home, trying to do something useful in the intervening period, and driving out again to bring her home. Her ballet class this year is midweek, which brings its own challenges, but has allowed me to sit at the computer this morning to make some inroads on the pile of family and home admin. Trying to be realistic - I don't want to spend the day at the computer, but hopefully over time the height of the physical pile of papers sitting in my in-tray here will diminish ...

Reaction

I have just finished reading The Shack. For most of the book, I felt that the writing was too sugary to be nutritious, but I guess that by the end I had been pretty well won over. Perhaps it was the contrast between the darkness of the event depicted in the first part of the book, and the primary colours brightness of the central section that made me uncomfortable. Anyway, it's provided continuing food for thought, and some encouragement, for which I am grateful.

Meta blogging

Thanks for the comments - they mean so much ...

And I did manage to put on the blinkers, and tackle just one job, not completing it, but, hopefully, moving it along. The fear is, of course, that those jobs which I had to lay aside now bite me. In my home life, given the opportunity, I can usually work my way forward, one task at a time, through a myriad of tasks. It's more difficult at work, where I have less control, and people have a habit of criticising me for not doing something, when I was doing something else. I should be able to defend myself, but I don't always know who's right. Asperger's again, to some extent, I guess ...

Anyway, better get on. Thanks, again!

Clarification

This is one of those waving a banner type posts. Not a proper journal entry.

It's mid morning. Work is impossible. But if I go to my boss and say that work is impossible, that will intensify the crisis. And the only relief that it will bring will be that the tasks will be redistributed. And I shall have failed again.

I can try, as is my usual practice, having surveyed the mess, to tackle one job. Move that job, hopefully, one step nearer to completion. While being acutely aware that other jobs will be waiting. And with the prospect of desk duty this afternoon. Where I can sometimes actually help with, on a good day, 10% of the calls.

Joy!

Rocks in a swamp

There is a thread over on the ship along the lines of, "Why blog?" I was intrigued by one of the contributions, by the writer of glimpsesofcolour. Her blog is therapy, drawing attention to glimpses of colour in a life otherwise overshadowed by the greyness of depression.

Why do I blog? I, too, battle depression. I sometimes think of my blog posts as waypoints. If I blog early in the day, it is to put down a marker; if late, it is generally to try to identify a positive aspect to the day. Perhaps it is best to think of John Bunyan's Slough of Despond (is it pronounced 'ow' or 'uff'? I always wonder), and of the traveller making the best route that he can.

And thanks to Tired and Emotional

For this inspired rewrite of history ...

And as I drove home this evening (after dropping my daughter at Focus in Prestonpans), whoever orchestrates the sky was surpassing him (or her) self - in one direction a glorious sunset, in the other what looked like part of a rainbow ...

Time

I have just listened to, and been refreshed by, a tearFund prayercast. But I am acutely conscious that I have been able to do so only because to-day I am not well enough to be at work.

With thanks to Maggi Dawn

http://hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/ and http://hasthelhcdestroyedtheearth.com/ ...

Not feeling well

Some sort of tummy bug ...
___
Sent with SnapperMail
www.snappermail.com

Asperger's, again

These days, I am reading a book called Asperger Syndrome Employment Workbook, by Roger N Meyer. It isn't an easy read, but over and over again I find myself saying, "Yes, that's true of me." This morning, the author asserted that Asperger's Syndrome is 'always' accompanied by dysthymia (a sort of low level, ongoing depression). He relates how he looked at childhood photographs and noticed his flat expression - in my case, my parents were forever telling me to smile, and I would contort my face into what felt like a grimace, and they would, apparently, be happy.

Another book I am reading is Alan Jamieson's A Churchless Faith. I am impressed by how sympathetically he describes the questioning which some people go through when they find that their received faith is inadequate.

Comments

As readers of this blog will probably realise, I have a fragile personality. I have decided that I cannot cope with anonymous comments. But I would not wish to disenfranchise serious commentators who happen not to have a Blogger account. So I am happy that Blogger now supports OpenID as a way for someone who wishes to comment to identify him or herself.

Step by step

I don't entirely know where I am going with this. I still can't update Classical Jaz. We enjoyed the Clone Wars, but I found Ocean Terminal a scary place.

How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land

Leaving soon for the cinema, to see Clone Wars with my son. My presbyterian soul feels that I should be in church, but since my son regularly elects not to attend church, and therefore one of us (his parents) stays at home to be with him, I don't think that my guilt feelings are appropriate.

Busy

To-day's challenge was to prioritise - recognising that, at the day's end, plenty that one would have liked to have done will not have been done. But we have done, I think, what we had to do - haircuts for father and son, shoes (ballet and school) for daughter, a visit for grandma ...

Homeless

Not literally, I hasten to add. It's just that, owing to a technical fault, I am currently unable to post in the usual place.

I've been listening to Beethoven's 9th symphony. Inspiring stuff. I have a set of CDs of the Beethoven symphonies performed by the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic, conducted by Sir Charles Mackerras. Clean, satisfying performances. What struck me about the last movement of Beethoven's 9th (the famous choral finale) was how different the climaxes were from, for example, those in Mahler's symphonies. The late romantics build up to their climaxes, whereas Beethoven's seem to come from nowhere, like water bursting through a breached dam.

Moving on

Just too cumulatively tired ...

Perspective

Cat

Earwig oh

Yes and no

It was a good holiday, but being back and facing the task ahead is
terrifying ...

Are holidays a good idea?

Ask me in two and a half weeks ...

Counting down

Just 3 days to go, and we're on holiday!

moBlogging

Just trying cellSpin ...

AirShow

Anticipating an interesting day - the Museum of Flight down the road is hosting its annual airshow. After yesterday's sun and blue skies we have cloud and drizzle - but I wouldn't have wanted it to be too hot, with two children in tow and the risk of sunburn.

Somewhat anxious about the travel arrangements - we're leaving the car at home (well, not quite - we're driving to the station), and taking the train and a shuttle bus - I'm just hoping that the the shuttle bus is big enough for all to fit in ...

wayPoint

Will I ever escape from the prison of too much to do, too little time - and the consequential tiredness? I live in continual dread of failing to get something done, or doing something inadequately, because I haven't the time, and I haven't the energy.

Another meeting, this afternoon, with somebody whose job it is to help us; but being invited to attend yet another meeting is not being helped, unless something is then offered. I'm tired, and afraid that in my fear and my frustration I will come across as uncooperative.

Pray for me ...

Top deck

As holiday time approaches, and I wonder how I shall survive away from a computer, I guess that it is only natural to be trying out some mobile blogging options.

And, a little more prettily

With a title ...

At last! I can use ping.fm ...

Just testing

From the café ...

Reaching for the sky

Needing, on so many fronts, just to take one day at a time ...

Trying to be creative

Frustrated ...

Breaking the silence

Silence can be golden - not always ...

I'm finding it difficult to report on what is happening around me these days. A crisis, I guess. On many levels. Too many questions - reminds me of the old days of trying to solve applied maths problems - if there were too many unknowns, the problem couldn't be solved ...

A crucial week

As I've been told often, a crisis can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it. So, looking back on the turmoil of this week, I have mixed feelings. But, to focus on the positive - I have discovered (or, rather, re-discovered) a new resource - Scripture Union's WordLive which means that I no longer feel that I'm trying to haul myself up by my bootstraps. And there's a mobile version, which means that with my web-enabled mobile phone I have access virtually anywhere ...

Where am I?

This is a peculiar darkness ...

Work terrifies me, these days. There is simply too much to do. Perhaps, if I had different skills, I would be able to get other people to perform some of the tasks - but I don't. I've had my second interview with the lady who is trying to decide whether or not I have Asperger's. It's an odd experience. I had to complete a questionnaire which was designed to assess how well I empathise with other people. As I worked through it, I was conscious of how much, throughout my life, people have said to me that the one thing which is more important than anything else is what they generally call love, but which seems to me to be something like empathy. And here I am, being asked - do I empathise? Of course, it feels like a trick question.

So, if, because of who I am, I can't empathise (maybe I can - the doctor seemed to be thinking that I do empathise - but then if I've put so much effort into trying to empathise, surely I have been able to, to some extent - but, then, maybe I've been fooling myself all along). What I'm trying to get my head around is - how can they say that love is everything, if there is a group of people who are unable to love? Except, I suppose, that empathy and love aren't necessarily the same thing.

Picture postcard

It's been an odd day; for a while this afternoon the sun shone, but the sky darkened as threatening clouds moved in, and rain (maybe some hail) began to fall. This, by the way, is our church - more rural than you would expect for the community we live in ...

Getting my head down

Yesterday was a logistical nightmare (and, in the event, a significant achievement) - but highs (in terms of somehow managing it) tend to be followed by lows - and I'm struggling to get useful work done to-day - which is a problem because there's too much to do and too little time (as usual) - so I'm using every tactic available to get my head down and keep working ...

Easter

I've been ironing Hama Beads (I searched for a suitable link, but I can only find people who sell them). Contrary to the forecast, the sun is shining. The visiting cat prefers to stay indoors, however - I guess that it's still cold outside.

Of course, Easter was last week-end, but with it coming so early this year, the children are still on holiday. Life still feels like a struggle to keep our heads above water - it's difficult to think of anything positive to report. We're having new windows and doors fitted, in about 10 days' time. In preparation, the computer has been moved - it now resides in what feels like a good location - the landing in this house has an open space which is like an extra room. And my wife says that she's been sleeping better since the computer was moved upstairs - I wonder if the gentle swishing sound of the fan could be soporific. But it's more difficult for me - my desk is still downstairs - it used to be easy for me to swing round from my desk to the computer whenever something needed to be recorded electronically.

But I am enjoying the more open, brighter space. I guess that this arrangement will stay.

Spring - imminent?

I can't think where I got that idea! It's been so bitterly cold ...

It's been a long week

But to-day did feel as though spring might not be too far away ...

Despatches

In a crowded hall, waiting for the concert to start, my knees cold because my jeans are wet - I had to change a (car) wheel because of a flat tyre ...

But eagerly anticipating a feast of music ...

We're expecting gales

The south and southwest of the UK have been experiencing severe weather, which is reported to be on its way northwards and eastwards.

I wouldn't call this a self portrait, would you?

You can tell that I'm struggling with the 365 Days project when I say that I seriously considering making this to-day's offering.

If to-day hadn't been Friday, I don't know what I would have done

I just had to keep pushing myself, every step of the way.

The break point is never far away

I suppose that from the outside, my continual angst doesn't make sense. Yes, as I drove home this evening, if I had misjudged my position on the road at the wrong moment, I could have been involved in a head-on collision, and be in no state to be writing this. It feels as though we are living on the edge, but I don't suppose that we are.

Tummy bug

A day at home, never far from a toilet ...

I just wish that I could reach a place where, even just for a while, everything that needs to have been done has been done, and I can just relax. Now, I relax at times, when I have to, but just to recuperate, so that I can get back to catching up - always catching up.

God smiled at me!

He was standing on his head.

A religious Sunday

I've been to church twice to-day, and we (the children and I) went swimming this afternoon, so it's been a pretty full day.

Flaming Nora

We were at a ceilidh last night. The band was Flaming Nora; the event was a fundraiser for Fischy Music.

Sunset

Through the window of a number 30 bus

Strange Sunset

Still looking out for spring

But, of course, we are still in the middle of February; I shouldn't have been surprised by the cold fog which engulfed us this morning and this evening.

Winding down

I gave the third of three presentations this afternoon. As I've just said to my wife, it has seemed for the past three weeks or so that my life has been on hold. I wonder just to what extent my physical debility has had a psychological component.

So I'm picking up the threads. To-morrow morning, the surveyor comes to measure up for the new doors and windows we've ordered. To-day, I picked up the car after it had passed (with some work) another MoT. And to-morrow, of course, is St Valentine's Day.

An official birthday

Actually, I think that having a birthday in early February is good - anything that cheers us up at this time of year has to be welcome. But I reckon that the real star of these days has to be the humble snowdrop - what better sign of hope than this?

Tenacity

Thank you for your wishes; unfortunately, this virus which won't go away turned my birthday into something of a non-event. The battle continues ...

But my son, kindly, gathered some of his toys which he knew that I enjoy playing with, and gave me them as a present. Wonderful.

It's my birthday

Unfortunately, the virus which I thought I'd seen the last of is still bothering me. It's becoming a family tradition. Nine months ago, our daughter endured her birthday meal feeling rotten. Yesterday evening was my turn, although the meal was pleasant.

To-day is my actual birthday.

Whatever my mental state

Portobello Town Hall
Originally uploaded by Glaswegian

I hope that I can show you an interesting photo.

Surely spring is just around the corner

I took this picture this morning:

And yesterday's presentation - I was pleased to see, in the lecture theatre, that the lectern was brick (or possibly concrete) - I could have sheltered behind it if there had been trouble - in fact, someone in the audience admitted that they were giving us a hard time ...

I'm not cut out for this

To-morrow, I have to stand at the front of a lecture theatre, and give a presentation. Essentially, it's the same spiel as I gave two weeks ago, but the venue is daunting, being a proper lecture theatre. Also, having to talk with academics frightens me, especially this particular group, as the department where I used to work (18 years ago) is part of this school. There will be people in the audience alongside whom I used to work.

I have to go through with it, but I wonder if I shall ever be in control of my life, able to say, "no," to things which I really don't want to do.

We've been swimming

A notable day, on at least two counts. This morning, for the first time, I was helping with the Sunday School at our local parish church. And this afternoon, while my wife was visiting her mother, the children and I went swimming. Of course, I have swum before, but this particular arrangement is new, and worked well.

Crisis mode

Can't really say why.

Bleurgh!

Just when I thought that I was on the mend, the virus doubles back and wallops me from behind.

Catching up

Back at work to-day; spent the day catching up. If I'd been off any longer, I'm not sure that it would have been worth going back - I'd never have caught up!

Rain

It's been raining for most of to-day. The visiting cat was especially grateful this morning for some warmth, and to be in the dry. I reckon that I'll be at work to-morrow, although I felt dizzy while walking the aisles at the local store.

The dreaded lurgy

This is where I'm glad that I didn't sign up for Blog 365. I've been laid low, presumably by the same bug which caused our son to be off school for two days. I'm more or less back on my feet now, although I have to move slowly, otherwise I feel as if I'm about to keel over.

A convoy

A convoy
Originally uploaded by Glaswegian

There's a bus theme running through my 365 Days photos on flickr, so I thought that I could appropriately post an old picture (I took) of a couple of 26's. Last year's panto (in the Brunton Theatre - just behind me when I took this photo) included a brilliant gag referring to the hearts on these buses (you can just see part of one in the top left hand corner of the picture). I'm not sure that I can capture the humour - you had to be there ...

I don't know what to do

But right now, I guess that I should go to bed, and try to get some sleep.

Performance

The chap I share an office with is a musician; as I tried to get back down to earth this afternoon we talked about performance - the enabling adrenalin rush - I was saying that to give this morning's presentation I had to become a different person. Which is OK, provided that I can find the space now to put myself back together again. It doesn't help that my wife and I were up half last night cleaning up after our son, who was sick.

Up to high doh

To-morrow I have to give a presentation at work; I'm anxious; I don't know how it will go. It's difficult to think about anything else.

Oh, yes we did

The last performance of the season - panto at the Kings Theatre, Edinburgh. It's not often that pantomime packs an emotional punch, but this one did. You know the rules - the handsome guy gets the girl - well, not this time - the clown got the girl (and the circus). I'm trying not to spoil it for you, so I'm not telling you the title. So there!

There seems to be a world shortage of sonic screwdrivers

At least, neither Toys R Us nor Woolworths had any; in the end, we settled for a Judoon trooper figure.

Yes, Karin, it's that time of year when winter seems to be going on and on for ever; I'm longing for the first snowdrop; and hoping again that you're feeling better.

I don't seem to be winning

Even a boxer gets a rest between rounds. But come Friday, and I just exchange one fight for another.

Defensive

I've been thinking about the various references in this blog, direct and indirect, to the imbibing of alcoholic drinks. I do drink wine, beer, and whisky (not all at once). I try to keep my consumption within the recommended guidelines. Sometimes I drink enough to feel 'euphoric'.

I know that for some people, alcohol has to be avoided. And that some people disapprove of the drinking of alcoholic drinks. And that alcohol is implicated in some bad behaviour. And that it is dangerous to drive when under the influence of alcohol.

All that I ask, gentle reader, is, please do not be offended by these references. I do not think of myself as a problem drinker, but that is my perspective. Incidentally, I am writing to-day under the influence of nothing stronger than a mug of tea.

Slainthe!

Wir gettin new windaes

An' new doors! Ah've signed ma name on the dotted line.

We dinna have a lum. The phrase 'lang mae yer lum reek', basically, means 'long may your chimney smoke' - I guess it just means - 'may you prosper'.

But 'dubs' is a word I hadn't come across. Scots Online says that it means 'mud', which is fun. I can guess what 'fou as a puggie' might mean - perhaps not entirely suitable for homework - but, sadly, occasionally an accurate description of this blogger - well, possibly a slight exaggeration ...

The mither tongue

Our daughter has had to compose 10 sentences using Scots words (as homework). I've been having fun, since my mother is a Highlander, I was brought up near Glasgow, and my dad was from London, so dialectically I'm a bit of a mixture.

Lang mae yer lum reek!

Between

Welcome, Ginger Blue, and thank you for commenting.

My wife and I argued, yesterday. It's always hard to recover, to acknowledge that we have differences, and that we have to work through them.

Compensation

This afternoon, I gave blood, and now I'm drinking a glass of wine; they're both red stuff, so it makes sense, doesn't it?

Another busy day

But no time to describe it ...

It was windy, last night

It was windy, last night
Originally uploaded by Glaswegian

The picture says it all ...

The visiting cat

There is a cat which has got into the habit of coming to our door, mewing for food and shelter. Generally, we allow him to come in, give him some scraps to eat, and let him find somewhere comfortable to curl up for a while. But we haven't allowed him to stay the night. It tends to be me who evicts him. We think that he has an owner, so I reckon that the best thing to do is to entice him out with something to eat around the middle of the evening, so if he does decide to go home there will be somebody who can let him in.

It was getting late this evening, and the cat was still in the house. Nobody else seemed to be concerned; I was too tired to do anything subtle, so I picked up the cat and carried him out the back door. His piteous miaow nearly broke my heart, but I didn't let him back into the house. When I opened the door about ten minutes later, he was gone.

I really don't know what to do. I can't believe that he is a genuine stray. So I suppose that my head is now telling me that I did the right thing, but my heart isn't so sure.

First day back at work

Unfortunately, this was one of those days where I ended up with considerably more work to do at the end than I had at the beginning.

Black dog

Back to work, to-morrow; feeling utterly, utterly despondent.

A crazy outing this afternoon - to the beach (well, the sun was shining) - but the picnic came to an abrupt end when our son was clearly suffering in the cold.

Don't blog when drunk

So I'm not blogging ...

A sudden thought

The children and I went swimming this afternoon, unexpectedly. I was thinking that it would be good to do something active - especially with the aim of tiring out our son, who might be more willing then to go to bed when the time comes. Well, it's tired me out ...

Out of the depths

Short, dark days. Always being responsible for children. Unclear about the future. But grateful for mercies, such as the heat in the house being on, although the boiler needs a replacement part.

It could have been worse

As we drove to my mother's to-day, the car started to make an expensive sounding noise. I was thinking that we'd have to leave the car with my mum, and find an alternative means of getting home, but, miraculously, when I took the car for a test drive after lunch, there was no sign of the ominous noise. PTL.

A drab New Year's Day

Of course, staying up until one o'clock this morning probably didn't help; and the rain hasn't stopped; but we meant to get out somewhere, and we didn't.

Royal Museum

Royal Museum
Originally uploaded by Glaswegian

In the National Museum of Scotland, the attraction being a ceilidh, which wife and daughter enjoyed while son and I explored the museum ...

A recuperative day

We even managed an afternoon stroll ...

A long time in the making

Our daughter's main Christmas present last year was a doll's house, or, to be more accurate, a doll's house kit. So far, we've put most of the structure together, and have been fitting a light in each of the rooms. To-day, we went back to the shop (a year later) to ask their advice - how to fit lights in the uppermost rooms without disfiguring the roof; the answer - wall-mounted lights, but they didn't have anything suitable in stock. Never mind, we bought some roofing paper - it looks like slates. We'll go back in a few weeks' time to see about these lights. This house will be complete - eventually.

But I think that we're OK. Even if progress is slow, it's reasonably steady; we didn't manage to do much during the summer, when there was work to be done in the garden. I think that what is good about this project is that every forward step is genuinely progress, and there isn't a deadline, so we can do good work as we go along.

Enchanted

We enjoyed the film; it seemed to be making fun of Shrek, which in turn made fun of the traditional fairy story. It was a clever story, and (to me) a satisfying denouement. But our daughter lost her teddy bear on the way. Grrrrr.

Shock

I struggle to find hope, at any time, especially this time of year, which we are told is a time of hope. There was the Boxing Day tsunami, and to-day we hear of the assassination of Benazir Bhutto. I do not claim to understand politics, but I am always shocked to think that people have plotted to kill someone. To hate someone so much that you are prepared to kill someone; that I find unthinkable. But what do I know of real suffering? And if I blamed an individual for my plight, what would I do?

There is a cat who visits our house. I am uncomfortable about letting him in - surely he has a home to go to. The other day, our son tried to stroke the cat, and the cat scratched him. Not long after, our son had taken his revenge - some complicated action involving giving the cat a fright by arranging for his sister to shout into one toy radio while he, presumably, held the other close to the cat. I guess that it is too soon to try to teach him about loving his enemies, especially as on the whole he is fond of the cat. Perhaps you have to learn 'an eye for an eye' before you can appreciate 'love your enemies'.