desolate

no words / just (yet) another picture:

menace

especially when the dog has been chewing a branch, and gets a piece stuck between her teeth - I'm recovering now (hopefully), from a bout of upset tummy - probably viral ...

will this ever end

another week of crisis management (or mismanagement) at work / and having to force myself, over the weekend, not to think about the stuff (pretty serious) which is unresolved / it's been five years, now (more or less) / I do question, sometimes, whether this life is worth living ...

team Fudge

looking thoughtful ...

the road ahead

the Herring Road, from Dunbar to Lauder ...

Gideon

I've been reading the (Old Testament) story of Gideon (with the help of notes provided by the Bible Reading Fellowship). It's been a strange experience, because parts of the story are familiar (to anyone who has been to Sunday School, I guess). The business of Gideon setting off with an army, and then being told by God that he has too many soldiers, is quite fun, in a way. You can imagine Gideon's dismay, when he ends up with just 300 men (those who want to fight, and who use their hands when drinking water).

Of course, it's exciting, when they surprise the Midianites, with trumpets and torches. And you sort of get the point - that God (presumably) is making. The victory is his, not theirs.

But there are complexities. Gideon has an argument with the Ephraimites. Then, when the men of Sukkoth are too scared of the Midianites to feed him and his troops, he returns, and takes vengeance (according to the notes - we were spared the actual reading, at this point). And then Gideon makes a golden ephod - of which the writer of Judges clearly disapproves.

The Sunday School stories depict Gideon as a hero (an unlikely, hesitant hero, admittedly). But overall, the bible story has elements of tragedy. Gideon has his day of glory, and seems to try quite hard subsequently, but doesn't quite get it right, sadly. Should we make more of an effort, when teaching the children, to describe the whole person, warts and all?

Perhaps those of us who stumble through life, and get things wrong more often than we get them right, would be reassured. Gideon does get a mention in the famous chapter of Hebrews which lists people of faith, whom we should admire ...

daring

nowadays, people think nothing of taking photos / looking straight towards the sun / can it damage the camera? this was as close as I dared, yesterday evening:

beleaguered

first week (not a full week, actually) back at work / a shock to the system ...

looking to spend the weekend recovering / still need to do stuff / prioritise ...

me and my girl

towards the end of the show, Sir John says (of Sally): I think she's got it! a reference to another musical which also features a young lady transformed - there's a strong indication, in fact, that the same teacher is responsible. After 3 performances, I may, just about, be 'getting it'. Why should a 21st century audience care about a Cockney lad who finds out that he's an aristocrat? a duchess who is determined to groom him (and doesn't care about the collateral damage to the most important relationship in his life) ...

What about an ancient family member? deaf, hobbling around with a stick (miraculously cured, for the curtain calls) ...

It helps to be among performers who have star quality / to be ably directed (and choreographed) / to have musicians who swing / to rely on the people who set up the stage, look after the props, prompt, manage costumes / and the Brunton Theatre is one of my favourite venues ...

the story features faithful love / people being true to themselves / a rather touching, unexpected love story / and a sly old gentleman who may not be quite as rickety as he appears ...

eh

it's not (just) what you say / it's when you say it. three weeks to-day (hopefully), I shall have three performances under my belt, and one to go / as Sir Jasper / elderly (and somewhat deaf) nobleman / a minor character / in 'me and my girl' ...

it doesn't help that to-day I have a bit of a cold / still anxious about work / anxious about most things, actually / including the cbt sessions that are to help me deal with my anxiety ...

why do people (like to) argue ...

self care

another tough week / worked hard / we're in better shape than we were this time last week ...

important, I think, at the weekend / to incorporate some self care / doing stuff which is inherently relaxing ...

battle

Jesus told a story / about a man / from whom a demon was cast out / but who, sadly, ended up hosting seven demons ...

This past fortnight, I have had the privilege of following a series of bible readings, with notes by Rachel Boulding, inspired by the life, sermons, and poetry of John Donne. Under God, coincidentally, a fierce battle has been raging / it has been either, or ...

For better or for worse / I believe that the battle is over / and has been won (time will tell) / and, inevitably, there has to be a mopping up / a new world / the demon is cast out / and neither he nor his friends / are welcome, any more ...

I should try to get to know Donne's poetry better / it would have been nice to have ended this post with a quote / instead, as an alter ego has said:

to win, at least, to survive ...

successes and failures

I probably tend to dwell more upon failures / than I remember succeeding ...

Just an observation / possibly to stimulate some (constructive) thinking ...

loneliness

What happens if you say to a psychologist: I think that the primary problem is not stress, it's loneliness. How can you be lonely in a room full of a hundred or more people?

Having Asperger's Syndrome (or something that in some respects looks like Asperger's Syndrome), my answer would be along the lines of: Communication! but it's more than that. I suspect that people generally find it difficult to relate to one hundred people at once. That the occasional unfriendliness I encounter is just overload. And that I, also, need to adapt. My first response was to live in a bubble. To shut out the noise.

Or to run away - but that isn't allowed. And I do have conversations. Good, interesting conversations.

Over lunch, generally, I read. Somehow, the books that have landed on my in-tray are challenging: The Street Bible (now called Word on the Street, I believe), by Rob Lacey; One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest, by Ken Kesey (which I've paused, having reached the end of a chapter - it doesn't help that I've seen the film, which doesn't exactly have a happy ending); and, currently: unApologetic, by Francis Spufford ...

changing the script

of course, the script is there to be adhered to / I've just been handed a script for 'me and my girl', as I shall be playing the part of Sir Jasper in a production taking place in May / and no-one would thank me if I decided, instead, to improvise ...

when I started to work in what we then called computing support / we had to improvise / there wasn't a script / nowadays, still having to improvise / or to follow a script which has been cobbled together / and is not supported by the software supplier / or, to be honest, sometimes resenting having to follow a script which has been devised by somebody else / and which doesn't appear to me to be the most effective, appropriate, or efficient way to deal with the situation / I would welcome a clear, well-documented, official script / offering reassurance ...

but not every script is helpful / our brains, naturally, develop habits / ways of coping / and it can be difficult to develop new, better ways ...

mindfulness

have been advised by a psychologist to practise mindfulness / at the same time, my bible reading notes are focusing on contemplative prayer / are these two sides of the same coin ...

being mindful (as I understand it) / involves quietness / awareness (of breathing, particularly) ...

contemplation (for me) / is actually more difficult to grasp / it depends on God playing ball (as it were) / being there / showing up ...

are we thinking about readiness? respecting God's timing / his initiative ...

challenge

we are agreed (I think) that one of my coping methods (it doesn't deserve to be called a strategy) is unacceptable. and that the approach of Lent makes this a good time to stop.

it's hard, because change requires effort, and where am I going to find the resource?

there and back

a family celebration (we took Sapphire / she had to wait inside while we got the car ready) / 120 mile round trip / there, we had a nice walk, and a nice meal / on the way back, we encountered the snow, and roadworks, and traffic ...

update

it's always chilling (in a bad way), to see the words: could we have an update, please? in a work communication / it always implies that the sender is less than happy with perceived progress / and I quite enjoyed replying to one of these messages recently with: yes, I sent you an email a week ago (haven't you read it?) ...

as the light returns / and the evident untidiness of the garden becomes more difficult to ignore / it seems to be, mostly, business as usual / and I'm trying, with the help of a psychologist / to be more positive about that status. it's always difficult to meet with people, roughly contemporary with me / who have somehow managed to retire, either fully or partially. I can't help feeling envious. As another birthday approaches, my best estimate of time to retirement is six years / which is far too long to be counting days ...

the old adage / a day at a time / usually helps / whether the source is Jesus, or Dale Carnegie / we've been designed, it appears, to inhabit the 18 hours or so between getting up and going to bed / to make each cycle a story / which makes it especially pleasant to be welcoming a new blog - the bad day blog - by (I hope that she doesn't mind me calling her a) seasoned blogger, Josie George / looking forward to hearing from someone who can aim for 'a bloody good bad day' ...

information

our puppy (now around 7 months old) is a border terrier / we love her to bits (obviously) / the cats aren't so sure ...

what the MRI scan (of my brain) showed is 'a small lacunar infarct' / I have been told that it indicates that I have had a (small) stroke / they can't say when / I'm seeing my GP in a couple of weeks' time, for a chat ...

first week back at work has been challenging (to say the least) / quite important, I think, having reached the weekend / not to think too much about it until I have to ...

bleak midwinter

Christmas is a receding memory / the credit card bill is a present reality / a recent brain scan has shown that part of my brain is damaged / back to work on Monday ...

Christmas Day

puppy's first Christmas ...

managing fear

this week, I received an MRI scan (that is to say, my brain was scanned) / the experience was instructive / I'm pretty sure that, by default, the reaction of a creature to being enclosed / is to want to flee / so / while I was inside the machine / my conscious mind was continually reassuring the part of my mind that was afraid / saying: it's ok ...

ailments

monday / daughter has to go into hospital / for a planned operation / thankfully, home by the evening / but a long day ...

tuesday / daughter, recovering / I, foolishly, tried to catch up with tasks ...

wednesday / daughter back to school / having to sit a chemistry test (which has been brought forward a day, at short notice) / she fails the test, and is subsequently told that she isn't working hard enough / I go back to work ...

thursday / wife is feeling the effect of stronger antibiotics / the medicine is making her more ill than she was / son goes back to school, having been at home since the weekend, coughing ...

friday / wife is told that she can switch to different antibiotics / I make it through the working day, just ...

challenges

November - autumn has truly arrived - Christmas (dare I say it) isn't far away - and, it's the month of people on the internet setting themselves targets - write a novel, make progress on a thesis, publish a blog post every day - a year ago, one of my alter egos managed to upload a photo to blipFoto every day for a month ...

and, no / I'm not rising to the challenge this year / but (surely) it won't do any harm just to put a photo here / taken this morning as we took the dog (now 20 weeks old, we reckon) for a walk:

the good person

I remember, as a teenager, reading Bertolt Brecht's "the Good Person of Szechwan" (although I remember  her as the Good Woman of Setzuan) / what struck me then (and seems still to apply to-day) / was how the heroine found it impossible to maintain the good side of her nature, and had to call upon a more ruthless alter ego in order to survive / it's all very well / being told to trust God / to put the Kingdom first / but for most of us there has to be some compromise / in order to live / to be effective citizens / we have to spend some of our lives putting our employer first / doing what the world requires / expects ...

recognising that even within ourselves / there's stuff we want to do / to prioritise / which doesn't come straight from the Bible ...

place in the kingdom

a bit of a grand title / trying to address a (not particularly) simple choice / which church do I attend?

when one's wife has decided to start attending a different church / should one follow her / if one's daughter still attends the place where we (all) used to go / except that one's son hasn't attended church in years ...

the world (in this country) has changed / many people do other things on a Sunday morning / they even wash their cars (for some reason, an early memory of mine is of our minister berating his congregation / how awful, that people would spend Sunday morning washing their cars, instead of coming to church / his audience, presumably, agreeing with him) / it is more difficult, nowadays / pressure of time / both parents working / the case for spending Sunday morning worshipping God / is no longer self evident ...

and if the churches are competing / not easy for an individual ...

would it help

if I started attending a different church ...

I guess

that we tend to think of Jesus' encounter with the rich young ruler, as recounted, as the beginning and end of the story / he had his big moment / and he blew it ...

but we know that other people who were associated with Jesus / managed still to own a house (Lazarus, Martha, and Mary, for example) / they couldn't have sold everything / surely it would have been unfair of Jesus to lay down a condition for one person (which that person found difficult), and not expect the same of everyone ...

let's look on the bright side (of life) / let's imagine that the rich young ruler didn't just give up / what could he have done? could he have been one of the early Christians, who did sell everything ...

very few people nowadays give up everything to follow Jesus / even missionaries have a career / arrangements are made for their children to be educated / Church of Scotland ministers don't get to own the house which they live in while they work / but they can save (actually, I don't think that it's right that Church of Scotland ministers are put in this complicated and anomalous position / and, anyway, it doesn't help to make sense of the original question / it implies that some Christians are expected to follow the path of not owning stuff / while others aren't) up / or the church makes arrangements so that when they retire they have somewhere to live (what's the difference between a minister relying on his or her employer to take care of what happens when he or she retires, and me paying into a workplace pension scheme) ...

the rich young ruler

sell everything (give the proceeds to the poor), and follow me ...

or not, in which case you are not a true Christian, and will spend eternity suffering in hell ...

as soon as possible

so / if two people, simultaneously, ask for two things to be done 'as soon as possible' / are we allowed to suggest that they fight a duel, to decide whose task, actually, gets done 'asap' ...

tribe

as I write, one of our pussycats sleeps on the computer table, where she has spent most of to-day / it has always been a favourite place for her / but frequented, on the whole, when somebody is using the computer / I can only guess that to-day, it is her place of safety ...

a new creature has joined the tribe / she is just eight weeks old / and she is a puppy dog / already, there have been issues / yesterday, puppy dog chased the other pussy cat / then the pussy cat took her revenge with a well aimed swipe ...

of course, the new arrival brings plenty of joy / asks many questions / hopefully, promises a bright future ...

the story continues

disappointment

the last throw of the dice / betting one's shirt / gambling the farm / it's a recognised situation / there are no resources / this is the only way left ...

imagine the joy / the movie's hero / flat out, eyes closed, obviously dead / but, of course, he's not / he's alive ...

or / it's not just about how to solve technical problems / it's about how things are done / it's about people, not machines / but without the technical knowledge, you're floundering / I tried / I gave it my best shot ...

knife edge

Honest to God has a chapter on prayer / in it, John Robinson quotes extensively from George macLeod, founder of the Iona Community / so, what is prayer ...

is it like picking up the telephone, and dialling God / if so, I would contend, we are in for disappointment (that's my experience, anyway) / hi there, God, this is Chas / silence / I'm having a tough time at work / more silence / I wondered if you could give me some advice / yet more silence ...

a bad line, perhaps / maybe he's busy / try again later (I'm reminded of Elijah taunting the prophets of Baal on mount Carmel, as they try desperately to get their god to respond) ...

I think that what John Robinson is suggesting is that everything is prayer / laborare est orare, as we were told at school that the Romans used to say to each other / that, as we wrestle practically with the issues, we find God / I'm not entirely convinced / but it's better than sitting in silence ...

changes

in the 1980's someone who knew about computers was valued / a member of the academic team / we were referred to as 'academic-related' ...

in the 2010's, everyone knows about computers / children teach their parents how to use faceBook / an IT support person is just that / 'support' ...

of course, those who were young men and women in the eighties are now approaching retirement / but what value do they still have?

quietness

another turbulent week / I really am not qualified to write about the events which are well-known / which I know about only through news reports / but, on the other hand, I don't suppose that my personal journey is of much interest to anyone but myself ...

so, for myself, I report / that I have lost my faith / and, possibly, been given it back again / that for a few hours, brave atheism took control / made sense / then, somehow, had to acknowledge / grace / a man, hoisted on a wooden cross / not clear about 'how' (why should we be?) / words from beyond the grave ...

my reading, these days, includes, generally at lunchtimes, the street bible (later editions are called the word on the street), by Rob Lacey / I reached the end of what we call the Old Testament a week ago / now embarking on the story of the Liberator / uncomfortable counterpoint, as I also read through Honest to God (John AT Robinson) / which I think was a worthy attempt to make the gospel acceptable to modern man ...

challenging reading / as I continue to try to navigate difficult waters ...

resolution

after the upheaval (and challenge) of last weekend / and so much change over the past few years / there is a strong argument for saying something like: what we have is far from perfect, but it's ok - it takes less energy to keep going / than it would to initiate yet more change ...

the sun is shining / the grass is long, and needs to be cut / my desk is piled high with stuff / and I'm weary ...

when to stop

Yet again, by the end of the working week, my overriding feeling is despair. I can't seem to get anything right. That's not entirely true - I do, occasionally succeed - but seldom.

For many reasons, I expect to be working, full-time, until I'm 65, possibly 66. If I don't, there will be serious financial consequences. But, day after day, I want, desperately, to be able to call it a day (or, at the very least, to reduce my hours).

Thankfully, I've made it through to another weekend / I can down tools / lay aside one set of challenges / and give some attention to another / until the pendulum swings back / and Monday beckons, again ...

appearances

life, nowadays, is too complicated / maybe that's just the view of an aging aspie ...

damaged

on the face of it, the week went well / and here we are again / the weekend / my throat still hurts (but the doctor looked at it on Monday, and said that it should be OK) / we have a fun outing planned for to-day / to see Pirates of Penzance at the Festival Theatre (Edinburgh) ...

I'm weary / hoping that to-day will be stress-free / and to-morrow ...

finding God

Martyn Joseph, in Songs for the Coming Home sings that it is 'not a good time for God' / this week, the Church of Scotland tried to grasp the nettle of whether to allow a church to call a person in a gay relationship as their minister, and came up with what appears to be a fudge / or, to use another popular metaphor, they're trying to have their cake and eat it / not surprisingly, those strongly opposed to, and those strongly in favour of affirming the ministry of gay people aren't happy (based on a sample of two) / whether the compromise will win the support of ordinary members of this denomination remains to be seen ...

shockingly, this was the week a soldier was killed / on a UK street ...

I don't reckon, in comparison, that my own struggles count for much, but it was a relief, yesterday afternoon, to find some peace, sitting in the Memorial Chapel of Old St Paul's, Edinburgh ...

gratitude

an exhilarating evening / people saying, as I left the theatre: a great show / my part is small, but, for me, scary ...

earlier in the week / spending a good part of the day in Edinburgh / while our car was receiving some TLC / I visited Old St Paul's (inspired by Richard Holloway's description of the place in Leaving Alexandria) / thankful / there is something deeply welcoming about the dark sanctuary / a refuge ...

stress

just over a week ago, I was aware that the stress I was experiencing at work had the potential to break me. during a sleepless night, I resolved that on Monday, I would make an appointment to see the doctor - I would ask to be signed off for the week - I would let my managers know - and suggest a radical change to my work situation.

on Saturday morning (coincidentally), I met a colleague in B & Q (as you do). during the day, my resolve weakened - if I could get through the week, I then had a week's annual leave, to look forward to.

by Monday, my sore throat was intensifying - I was coughing - coincidentally, the same colleague, also, was coughing. I worked through the day, discovering something, as I did so, that removed some of the pressure (to carry out a particular task), that particular week.

by Tuesday, my sore throat and cough were bad enough that I should stay at home. I emailed in. If anything, by Wednesday, my condition was worse. I was able to see a doctor, who prescribed antibiotics. Thankfully, things are now improving, but I have not been back to work. I still wasn't well enough, yesterday.

so - I've been off work four days - quite properly. I can return to work, a week on Monday - there will be some catching up to do - and some administrative procedures to follow. but, I've been thinking - if I'd followed the original plan - it would have been a big deal - there would have been significant repercussions - possibly, in the long run, a better outcome (I have no way of knowing).

I'm more psychologically broken than physically broken - the doctor's antibiotics are helping me back to physical health - it's a pity that psychological breakages are more difficult to fix ...

roller coaster

trying to achieve stability / these days, when every weekday is an uphill challenge, it's difficult to think back to a time when I was relaxed about going into work ...

much has changed / it could be argued that the job I used to do no longer exists / computing is now ubiquitous / a new generation has grown up, taking for granted the world wide web, personal computers, and smartphones / this old dinosaur hasn't been able to find a niche in the ecosystem / of incident management systems, content management systems, e-learning, and managed desktops ...

is it a coincidence that variants of the word 'managed' appear so often in that last sentence ...

spring

amazingly, it isn't cold, outside / we seem to have waited a long time for spring to arrive / and we said that we would appreciate it (all the more) when it came ...

there is still an awful darkness, though / thankfully, the weekend has come / and I have two days / during which I don't have to go into work / but it is difficult not to think about it / and I reckon that before Monday morning, I do need to spend some time working / if only to try to achieve a good start to the week ...

brightness outside / less so inside / difficult to make any decisions, that aren't obvious / tired ...

open plan

at work / moved office / previously, shared with 3 others / now, around 127 ...

writing about it isn't going to change anything / I need to keep on working / probably until I'm 66 / it feels like a nightmare ...

better / at the weekend / not to think about it / instead (it's nice to be blogging, even if nobody reads this) ...

I'm reading (among other books) Richard Holloway's "Looking in the Distance" / does he believe (in the traditional, Christian sense), or doesn't he? / is he pretending not to? / or, has he really jumped ship (to use his own metaphor) ...

difficult

the day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday is always (for me) a strange one / compounded this morning when my daily (bible) reading notes looked forward to the resurrection (for me (again), the prevailing emotion of this particular day requires that when resurrection arrives, it is unexpected) / so / we know (because we've read the book (or seen the movie) before) that there is going to be 'a happy ending') / the hero doesn't stay dead ...

why did he have to die? usually, in movies, the hero appears to have died, but then an eye opens, and we realise that he's ok (or heroine, and she's ok) / in this case, we seem to be sure that, in fact, Jesus was dead when they laid him in a tomb ...

there seems to be unhappiness nowadays with the notion that Jesus died for our sins (as we have been taught) / because it implies an angry God / we would prefer a different interpretation / which allows God, even as Jesus cried out on the cross / to be loving (by which we mean gentle, I guess) ...

not my problem / I don't presume to teach / but I'd like to make enough sense of the whole thing to go on living / if that isn't too much to ask ...

blue

a statement ...

clinging on / just ...

actually

a good day / cut lots of grass / not too short, because this should be the last cut before the winter, and I'm sure that the grass does better if it hasn't been traumatised ...

powerful music

not my usual Sunday blogging haunt, but just to say that on Friday I was privileged to attend an event at Coda in Edinburgh / Karine Polwart has brought out a new CD, and was singing some songs / we were packed in like sardines / it was live music, in every sense ...

shopping

has to be done ...

pondering

fear, and faith / fear is unavoidable, natural / faith would seem to drive out fear / or is that a myth / david, facing goliath had faith in God, he also had a pretty good idea of what he was going to do, and would have been confident of his own ability to carry out his plan / you might almost say that his faith in God was incidental / in complete contrast to the situation some of us find ourselves in / we don't have a plan, we don't believe that we are capable, yet we are told to have faith in God ...

friday

one working day, then the weekend ...

nothing changes

for the better ...

it's wrong

I have Asperger's, I have difficulty socialising / but that's no reason to leave me on my own trying to do a job which requires (at least) two people ...

back to work

with a plan, if it goes pear shaped ...

demob happy

a whole week off / coming up ...

why

don't I just say that this is unacceptable / I'm being routinely left on my own to do a job which requires at least two people (it isn't just about the number of calls, it's about the fact that some of them are urgent, some require planning, most involve people who are for some reason upset) ...

downtime

really would have preferred not to be working to-day / but there would then be nobody in that office ...

lurgy

no longer struggling into work - let's see if a day at home helps ...

here

I didn't want to provoke a crisis / better (maybe) to be under par, but working, than to be at home, and to have twice as much to do to-morrow ...

sick

if I'm not better than this by to-morrow morning, then I shan't be going into work / even though there was only going to be the one of me there ...

eScape

it's tempting to contemplate a computer free weekend, but hardly practical, when calendars, timetables, bank accounts, and communication all seem to require internet access ...

crisis

if what I've planned (for to-day) is successful, we move on / if not, I simply don't know what happens ...

frightened

moved towards a couple of resolutions, yesterday, but still there's an underlying fear ...

trying out

uBuntu ...

organisation

even where the desk is almost bare, apart from a computer, need to do preliminary work before I can start being productive ...

breathing space

it may not be possible, but it is required ...

psalm 104:1a

bless the Lord, o my soul ...

friDay

the only difference, I guess, being that whatever challenges we face to-day can be laid aside for two days, subsequently ...

breakfast

a cooked breakfast in a canteen / a luxury, I guess / helps to start the day ...

longevity

at least, blogger is still here (was that a dangerous thing to say?) ...

change of place

induces tiredness ...

positivism

can't do this ...

my thanks

especially to ian / got through the day (though next week should be busy, helping all of the people who kindly cut me some slack) / and appreciated some downtime to-day ...

likelihood

of breaking down to-day is pretty high ...

jabber

hope

that in crises, God will resource ...

fragile

vulnerable, coping, so far ...

uncomfortable fame

a suspicious death in the town where I live ...

that was yesterday

if anything, to-day promises to be worse ...

tired, angry

but with no options ...

infrequent

weary

always being challenged / good, in some ways ...

triumph

just saying / musical youth's 'wizard of oz' was excellent ...

justice

where to start ...

taxi

driver ...

doing battle

with malware (I guess, that deciding to rebuild the computer is a sign of losing) ...

missed a day

ah well (but have managed to stay away from flickr) ...

fasting

may give up flickr for Lent ...

worry

endemic ...

ironic

to be missing church in order to do homework / the topic: a piece explaining one's admiration for Eric Liddell, who refused to take part in a race whose heats were to take place on a Sunday ...

bright

and to some, beautiful ...

bye, spot

a cafe where I work is closing ...

tears

no / anyone looking at me would think that I'm fine (as they say) ...

silence

can be comforting, or it can be threatening ...

when

the University suggests that we leave our cars at home, are they willing to absorb the extra 2 hours of travelling time per day ...

shaky

hit a horrible emotional low this morning (probably a combination of loneliness, and trying to get to grips with work again) ...

but

I don't see how yet another blog is the answer ...